Sleepless Paradise

The sound of the waves hitting the beach sooth my mind into a peaceful state of openness. I could sit on the beach all day just listening to this world. There are a few people on vacation, but the major crowds haven't hit, so finding peace is easy. Every wave is a reassurance that there is still a connection between all things. We are all connected to each other and the world. I am in paradise, not just physically but mentally.

If I am in paradise, why am I still awake at 1 am watching various TV shows? My mind won't stop, that's why. I know it would stop if I just laid down and told it to calm down and be at peace. Each time I look at the clock a part of me wants to go to sleep so I can wake up early and see the sunrise and spend another wonderful day at the beach... so why am I still awake?

Time. Time scares me. As I get older I realize how quickly time is passing. I am not afraid of death, but afraid that I won't live enough. Part of me thinks that is why I eat even when I am full or know I don't need to eat. I eat because I am afraid it is the last time, that I won't get another chance. My mom said that my grandpa does the same thing and that she thought it might have to do with the fact that in WWII he didn't always get to eat, food was scarce.

Perhaps emotional and physical traumas stay in our genes. If we don't work through things are they just passed down from generation to generation? Not to say that we need to try and dive into the past and figure everything out, but maybe we just need to open ourselves up. To what? I don't know, I am still trying to figure that out.

Something I have realized, and realize every time I get to be near the ocean, is that I love the ocean. There is something within me that is drawn to the waves and the feeling of seeing a world without seeing it at all. You can look over miles and miles of water and yet you see nothing. Everything has a connection. When you look at a person you see their physical appearance from the outside, but what you don't see is their mind and the inner workings of their body.

I am applying for medical school because I want to learn more about our bodies. I want to help people understand why we are amazing beings, magical even. I want to inspire people to take care of themselves and the world around them.

It is my opinion that if everyone were to act out of the pure want of being happy then the world would be a better place. Power, money, fame... it doesn't make you happy. I don't believe that people with power or money or fame are happy because of that. I know people will disagree with me and that is fine, I just know that those things won't make me happy. In the long run I want to help people and the world.

Waves are one of the ways that the ocean speaks to us. I believe that with all my heart.