Smiles shouldn't disappear

I feel like I'm being forgotten, because it's the story of my life. You feel tired and sad. I would trade every memory any person who has ever met me to make you smile again, because your smile is beautiful.

I am scared of going back to visit places I once lived because I am afraid no one will care or make an effort. Cities are easy to visit because I can be independent. When I go back to visit Boulder I am depending on others for rides and a place to stay. What if no one really cares to hang out or wants to make the effort? It wouldn't be the first time friendships have failed.

The fear of being forgotten is numbing. How many tears have I cried for past friendships that have ended? How many times has my heart ached at the thought of people who probably never give a second thought to where I am now? So often in my life have people just given up on friendships that meant the world to me. Every friendship means the world to me. I know not every friendship I have has ended or will end, but I still fear.

Goodbye breaks my heart.

I said goodbye to be here with one of the friendships that has gotten through so much. I wish I could put a smile back on your face and fill your heart with the warmth that we both long for. You are one of my best friends and it makes me sad to see that New York is wearing you out. I don't like that you are always tired and that you feel like you can't do things. I want to make you smile. Was New York a mistake? Will I ever find a home? Will the smile you lost shine in your eyes again?

Things have got to change for the better, because smiles should never disappear.