Being allergic to nuts makes eating raw food a little bit harder because sometimes I just want to taste something that reminds me of cheese... which is made with nuts... I like having crackers occasionally, or raw energy bars, but they make me sick. But nuts aren't a vital part of my diet, in fact when we went out to dinner tonight I had green juice and it was so positively energetic and delicious that I realized nuts or no nuts, I can make myself healthy and happy with greens, especially juices.
I have to write an admissions essay.... about myself. Now considering that I write a blog quite often (although not as much in the past two weeks) it would seem this would be an easy task. It's not. Writing in an honest manner that shows my best traits is really hard for me. I feel like a lot of my honesty comes from mistakes I have made with my life. Realization did hit when I realized that I don't want to be only a partial version of myself, instead of a complete version. I am going to write this essay and be honest and if they don't like me or admit me into school then I will find other ways to chase my dreams.
Since starting my voice lessons I have been told that I have a lot of talent. The source of these compliments is one that I am told repeatedly does not just throw out compliments. This means I could actually be very successful at musical theatre or music in general. To know you have the ability to succeed and achieve dreams is actually quite scary. I haven't learned to completely love myself yet, so knowing that I should is still an idea to get used to.
In other news, I will be going on vacation soon. I thought that I would not take my computer with me during this two week vacation, I still am not sure if I will, but I will be bringing my newest read "Conscious Living" with me.
It's time to add the green juice back into my life.
You inspire me so much, Jenny, and I'm so proud of you for being willing to engage this whole process on its own terms and be present with it. I think if we are ever able to tell the truth, it must be through acknowledging all aspects of ourselves, our joys, sadnesses, triumphs, failures, vulnerabilities and fears. I'm still learning to love all of myself, and it's hard! I read Conscious Loving for the first time about a year and a half ago and I'm just now starting to feel like I'm internalizing it and applying it in concrete ways. When I did the workshop with Katie Hendricks, I discovered through some of our play experiments that committing to somethings is actually committing and then re-committing and re-committing and re-committing. Katie gave this wonderful definition of commitment: to gather oneself and move in a chosen direction. While moving in that direction we will inevitably encounter barriers and blockades, at which point we can choose to commit to something else, or re-commit to our initial goal. And yes, I think the only thing scarier than failure is success. I always think of that, "It's not our darkness but our light that we most fear..." So much easier to sit in the safety of mediocrity than to risk the charge of reaching for greatness. Be present, acknowledge and love your feelings (all of them), and breathe. So proud of you and honored to know you. I love you.
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