Tears of Joy

It has been a beautiful and insightful. I consistently find myself smiling or giddy with joy over all these small wins in life, whether my own or those of others. It is a beautiful thing celebrating successes and failures. Yes, I said failures. In our lives we don't always win. Since going on a raw foods diet my blood sugar has not always been perfect, my work has not always been easy, and my relationships have not always been perfect. I have been learning to let all feelings resonate within me rather then try and brush them off or cover them up. When I get scared or angry or nervous I look to myself and say "It's okay to feel this way, this is a _____ situation and it's okay to feel." Then I sit with that feeling for a minute and then find a way to use that energy for something creative.

The last few days my roommate and long time best friend, Becca, has gone raw with me. She has been asking my advice and we have gotten the chance to sit down and discuss how she is feeling, which has been amazing! We went to a raw restaurant in NYC called "Quintessence" tonight and just had the time of our lives. The energy was amazing and we even ended up having a nice conversation with the waitress and one of the other patrons there. We talked about health and what some great juicers are and just the overall positivity behind raw food. Becca and I left with, what I like to call, a raw foods high. A high that has yet to crash 3 hours later.

Something I have realized in my readings, people watching, and general conversations, is that only I can change my life. People can give me all the guidance, money, resources, promises...ect., but only I can be the one to change my life. It is hard. I have had to dive, and continue to dive, into deep, dark secrets that I wanted to keep hidden for the rest of my life. I have scars, I am overweight, my kidneys are failing, I have had some horrible experiences with relationships, I have had horrible experiences with sex, I have gone to therapy for depression, I have been the "emo kid" with the razor blade, I have given myself too much insulin in hopes of not waking up in the morning, I have spent months of my life asleep... the list could go on. These are things I used to feel so ashamed to say, to share, but I am not. They are a part of me, they make me who I am, and I love every piece of that about me. Not everyone will learn to feel that way, unless everyone decides to do it. I can't make anyone love themselves, no matter how much I love them.

To love yourself is a choice. To live healthy and abundant is a choice. I am responsible for my choices. I won't make excuses. I didn't ask for Diabetes, but I won't let it kill me, I will find a way to let it guide me.

Tonight I also watched "Raw for 30", a documentary about 6 Diabetics who go to a raw food center in Arizona to get well and to cure Diabetes. It is an amazingly interesting and inspiring documentary. Although all the journeys varied, the outcomes were an astounding "RAW FOOD CAN CURE DIABETES!" Now true, most of the Diabetics were type 2 (I am type1 1), but one of the type one diabetics was cured as well and the other went from 70 units of insulin to 5. The other amazing and beautiful outcome of this was that some of them actually went to help others get healthy as well. Paying it forward, fixing the world by fixing yourself.

I am not saying everyone should jump on a raw food diet, but goodness it feels amazing. Everything is humming in my life with positive energy. This is what life is supposed to feel like. This is how I want to feel for the rest of my life. This is the experience I was meant to have. I can only hope that everyone finds something that makes them this happy.

If you want support I am here. If you want to ask questions I will find the answer. If you want to ignore everything I am saying then do it. Life is what you make it. I am making my life the best it can be.